First Date Tips For Menby Prachi Shandilya, 16 August 2014
Are you going on your first date? Are you nervous? Relax! Our dating guide for men will get you through.
Going on a first date should be an enjoyable experience but if you have never been on a date before, the lead up is going to be incredibly nerve wracking. There are so many questions that need answering; what should you wear? How will you make conversation? What gestures should you make?
You could turn to the guys you hang out with for answers but ideally you need a woman's perspective. After all, it is a woman you are preparing to date. As such, we invited our guest writer Prachi Shandilya to share her views on dating and help answer some of those questions.
Dating, it's fun
Looks matter! When you meet with your date for the first time, the first impressions she is going to have are from your appearance. Before you can even say hello, she has already made an initial judgement. She doesn't expect you to be Kunal Kapoor, John Abraham or Brad Pitt but she does expect you to take care of yourself. This shouldn't really need to be said but shower! If you arrive for your date with an unpleasant odor trailing behind you, you can bet that your odds of being anything more than friends are very poor. Apply cologne, something that smells nice but is not overpowering.
Dress appropriately for the occasion. If you are simply seeing a movie together, clean jeans and a nice shirt or jacket will suffice. If you are going for dinner at a restaurant, dress for the location. You will want to at least wear something with a collar and if the restaurant is upper class, you may even need to go so far as wearing a tie and jacket. Try to stand out from the crowd but not in a bad way. If every other man in the restaurant is wearing a suit and you are wearing jeans then you're in trouble! Ensure you are comfortable and confident in your clothes. If you are not comfortable in your clothes you may be left feeling awkward and self conscious.
Make sure your hair is neat, have it cut if need be. Beards or stubble are a good look on some men but can be a turn off to some women. If you have a beard and she already knows what you look like then this is fine. Stubble however, you should consider shaving if you think there is any chance of a kiss at the end of the date. If this is the first date, it is unlikely but you should be prepared just in case. No woman enjoys getting a rash on her face from a man's stubble. As a bonus, she will likely notice that you have shaved and this shows that you are making an effort.
It's time to shave
Be A Gentlemen
Now that we have your appearance taken care of, the next impression she will receive is from the manor in which you greet her. It is likely that she has made a big effort to look good for your date so after the initial hellos are out of the way, compliment her on her appearance. Make sure the compliment is genuine and heart felt as she will know if you are being fake. Let her know what it is about her appearance that you admire most. Is it the way she has done her hair? Her makeup? Perhaps she is wearing a new outfit that she bought just for the occasion and it looks amazing. When giving compliments, try to make it as unique as possible. A girl may have received the same compliment many times already, so if yours is different it will truly stand out. Even if you are shy and it is difficult to tell a girl that she is beautiful, you must find it in yourself to do so. If you do not compliment her after she has spent hours trying to look good she will feel dejected.
Next, it is important to realize that equal rights between genders does not mean that chivalry is dead. The mark of a true gentleman is to make her feel like a lady. This means holding the restaurant door open and pulling her chair for her. If she becomes cold, cover her with your jacket. If it rains, hold the umbrella. Your goal is to make her feel safe, secure and cared for when she is in your presence.
Make her feel like lady
Talking About You
Women can tell very easily if the man they are on a date with is pretending, so don't try to imitate her favorite Bollywood hero. It is you that she has chosen to go on a date with, so it is you who she wishes to see. You may not be an actor but you have your own talents and strengths. Be confident and share those with her. Demonstrating confidence is very appealing but remember to not go overboard. Being egotistical is a very unattractive trait.
Interest her rather than impress her. For example, if you have a successful career, don't discuss how much money you earn. If the girl you have taken on a date has genuine feelings for you, she will not be interested in such topics. Your career does make for good conversation but instead of talking about money, share what motivated you to take this career path. Try to be positive when discussing your job, even if you are currently unhappy. If your company manufactures a product, she maybe interested in how the goods are made.
Be confident, but not too confident
Talking About Her
During conversation, it is important to not be the only one talking. You must show interest in your date and allow her to speak. After all, you should be wanting to get to know her as much as she is wanting to get to know you. If she works, you should ask her about her career and what her goals are. Never ask her how much she is paid as she will surely be offended. Even in these modern times, women are often not taken seriously in their careers. If you like this girl then you should offer support and encourage her to reach her goals.
Ask her about her beliefs. Find out what she stands for and what motivates her. Learn about what she enjoys doing in her spare time. Share your hobbies with her and listen out for any that you may have in common. Do not ask her about her previous relationships, you are neither her husband nor her father.
Try not to be serious all of the time; it is important for your conversations to have their light hearted moments too. Humor her and make her laugh by sharing a funny story or a joke you heard recently.
Don't take yourself too seriously
Successful relationships are built upon a solid foundation of trust. Any lies, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem, will cause cracks to develop within your foundations. If you wish to build love, start with laying down the foundations.
Possibly ways to begin your foundation include sharing a secret or discussing something personal such as a family issue. Your goal is to show her that not only can you be trusted, but that you can also be relied upon. She should feel safe in any situation knowing that she has your support. She should see you as her rock. Of course if you genuinely care for this girl, these things will come naturally to you. Just don't shy away when the opportunity to shine and show support comes along.
Don't lie, ever
Start as friends and allow the friendship to blossom into a relationship naturally and at it's own pace. If you try to force a relationship too quickly she may feel uncomfortable. Never tell a girl that you love her after only spending a short amount of time with her. Genuine love and feelings take time to grow and if you declare your love right off the bat, she may think of you as a fraud.
If you are enjoying the time you have spent with her, you may let her know at the end of the date. Do not attempt to kiss her on the lips. If you think it won't be awkward, you may kiss her on the cheek. During conversation, you should have learnt about a few of the hobbies and interests she has. If you wish to have a follow up date, you may invite her to join you in one of the mutual interests.