Life After Marriage

by Priyanka Sharma, 20th July 2015

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus they say. And yet, every single day, thousands of the Martians and Venusians come together in union that we know as matrimony. A marriage is bound to change things. Some changes would be immediate, the others gradual. Some changes would be small, the other big. Whether you have been dating long or just met, whether you have lived in before marriage or had an arranged one, your life will change after marriage.

The start of a journey...

You are no longer a boyfriend or a girlfriend but a husband and a wife. The very words have such a different ring to them! Even if you have been living together before and are used to each other's presence every day, marriage changes how to you look at each other. Introducing your partner to someone as your boyfriend versus your husband makes a world of difference to the way others see your relationship as well. I guess because marriage means more commitment to each other and we immediately associate a longevity with that relationship. And it is true. Isn't it? Marriage is a commitment between two people to experience life together, to have a family together and grow old together.

Living with someone is not tough. It just needs the attitude of acceptance and the will to adjust. The excitement of a new marriage and love for your partner ensures you have both. Adjustment continues over the years since we change as individuals. Our opinions, habits and behavior changes. Our health and priorities change and both partners need to adapt to that. The fun bit is discovering individual quirks about each other. My husband for example always misses a spot of foam on his chin when he washes his face. It is the same spot every single time! This has become a standing joke amongst us. One of the biggest change is the loss of personal space. When you are single, you have your own space. It could be your own house, room or at least your own bed. Enter the spouse and poof! It is gone. The presence of another person at such close quarters is what real intimacy is all about. Nothing brings two people closer than sleeping in the same bed. Imagine turning in the middle of the night and placing your hand next to theirs, knowing he or she is right there even in your sleep. It takes time getting used to, but when it happens, you would never be lonely. Even if your partner is away, you can smell their perfume on the pillow and feel their presence. So much more romantic than candles and roses!

There is a sudden change in your social status post marriage and the expectations of the society change. You are now the link between two families and have to do the balancing act between them. Your in-laws will expect you to quickly learn the family decorum and adhere to it. This could be as simple as planning a family meal once a week or the family Christmas traditions or as complicated as the undercurrents in relationships with relatives. Treating your in laws like a second set of parents helps. You definitely have two sets of elders for advice and help if needed. Likewise, you inherit a whole new set of relatives and a bunch of expectations along with it. It can seem overwhelming initially but once you have eased into the role, family shenanigans are a constant source of entertainment.

You will never be alone again

Marrying someone who is very different from you can open up a whole new world for you. Author Ruchita Misra, a self-proclaimed homebody who married an avid traveler says "In living with him, I live with someone who wants to show me the world. We traveled 18 different countries in the first 4 years of our marriage. He made the studious me enjoy and revel in travelling, literally opening the doors of the world and its possibilities to me. I thank him for that" Getting engaged in their passion makes you a part of it and who knows, you might end up loving it too. You explore new things together and make new memories. Even if you don't share a common hobby, you learn just by talking about it with your partner.

Marriage brings about a change in the mindset from me to us. This does not happen in a day though. It needs working on and gradually becomes second nature. You receive a dinner invitation and the first thing you check if both of you are free that evening. You wish to buy something, your spouse should not have another big expense planned. Everything from weekend breaks to vacations, from grocery lists to a big screen TV is planned and bought together. When you think of fragrances your partner likes when buying perfume, you can be sure that you have complete learnt to put US ahead of ME. These are the small things that go long way into strengthening the foundations of your marriage. This mindset also makes us a little conservative in our approach and we are shy of taking risks. A new job in a new city could mean a break in your partner's career for some time. That is a risk they may not be wanting to take. There are those who move with their partner to a new city or sometimes a new country and embrace a completely different way of life. Embarking on such an adventure together can be much fun!

Being married is wonderful. Once the romanticism of a new marriage off, what emerges is the commitment and dependability of your partner. The two of you will both change over the years into people different from what you were when you got married. Being together helps you cope with that change, even enjoy it. You look forward to come home to someone. You have someone special to call your own. Just that, makes a world of a difference!